No Tele-vision for me!

Dr. Buckmister J. Ingersoll IV PHD MD FSIHL-MD here. My son in-law, Dr. Rupert J. Gould, called me yesterday from his office at American Family. He is another one of those obstinate brash men of low-breeding. This swine of a hog wants me to join the modern world and consider getting a tele-vision tube set. I told him that I was a busy man and should not be bothered by such preposterous devices of media propaganda. He cited statistics that said 95 percent of America now has a tele-vision set, but I told him that it was not too long ago that 95 percent of the world agreed the world was flat! Fools! All of them! So Dr. Rupert proceeded to chastise me, insinuating that I, Dr. Buckmister J. Ingersoll IV, was not capable of change. I then told this drunken harlot to look no further than in my bed chamber and see my new pair of monocles!

Dr. Buckmister J. Ingersoll IV PHD MD FSIHL-MD.

Good All Hollows Evening!

Dr. Buckmister J. Ingersoll IV PHD MD FSIHL-MD here. Apar Rajeev, my new man-servant, who arrived only this last week from the great sub-continent of India, informs me that another All-Hollows-Eve is fast approaching. It seems like only last year that we had one of these God-forsaken days! As a direct consequence to this we must prepare for the inevitable inundation of all the little fiends that come calling for the sole purpose to gaze upon me.

This year, I must take extreme care not to attempt to open the door myself. The piecing screams the beasts issue forth from their lungs once they lay their eyes upon me is enough to drive a man insane. I have instructed Apar to only allow the most brave to enter the chamber where I am confined.

This year I have also decreed that no candy shall be given. My plan instead includes a handout of the BIAC manifesto, a sack of pennies, and a free voucher to The Oddities Museum in downtown Wisconsin Dells. Then I have only twenty or so years before the fruits of this All-Hollows-Eve comes to pass before these monsters take up the BIAC ethic. My plan is all too perfect!

Dr. Buckmister J. Ingersoll IV PHD MD FSIHL-MD

Stop Global Entropy!

Dr. Buckmister J. Ingersoll IV PHD MD FSIHL-MD here. I have recently been informed of a most terrible and insidious situation being perpetuated upon the face of this earth. This force will stop at nothing to create a world steeped in homogeneous mediocrity. It is forcing natives to flee their homelands, children to be ripped from their mother’s sides and a world steeping in a mix of gray swelling soup and an ultimate heat death. Its name is called “Global Entropy”.

I first became aware of this disaster a few years back when I happened to open a book my father, Dr. Buckmister J. Ingersoll III PHD MD had lent his good friend Dr. Rudolf Clausisus VanWalden. Inside was a short note from Dr. VanWalden and I shall paraphrase here.

December 10, 1851

Greeting Dr. Ingersoll,
Your elixirs have done nothing to energize my thermal heat pump. It is clear, if they are unable to aid in converting heat from the reservoir to the general isothermic world the efficiency coefficient will be greatly reduced! And I shall employ gravely needed help elsewhere! Entropy must be thwarted.
R.C. VanWalden

We must do to everything in our power to starve off this beast at it source. My top Scientology advisor, Ernest P. Wilmire has scanned the top list of high-school and college Physics text books and compiled a short list of things that you must NOT do:

• Ice must never be thawed
• Dinnerware, i.e. plates, cups, demitasse must never be broken
• Engaging in or the use of any kind of internal combustion engine
• Consuming of food
• Expelling of any fluids
• Breathing
• Heating of matter beyond absolute zero


Help stop Global Entropy before it is too late!

Dr. Buckmister J. Ingersoll IV PHD MD FSIHL-MD

Hendersen is missed!

Ode to Hendersen

My Dearest Hendersen
I found you high above
In that ancient Viking land

You welcomed gleaming ships
Between those fiording dips
That ushered in those prosperous sands

Again, I told you not to worry
Again, I told you not to hurry
To be patient with this impatient

For you were never surly
My Dearest Hendersen

Welcome to my Domain!

Dr. Buckmister J. Ingersoll IV PHD MD FSIHL-MD here. Welcome to my Domain! Yes, I setup my own publication in order to wield the might of the pen! With it, great and powerful men will be felled and nations will neal!

That is me.

Yes, that is me in my youthful days!